never thought I'd be here now... or ever.

it's a srtange feeling looking back at what you used to want and see what of that you have really gotten and what slipped through yours hands.

i was at work today... and it was so dead that i really had nothing to do but stand there lookin pretty ;) and think about stuff. and normally i find myself thinking about tyler or family or small things that i want to do later in the day or week... but this time i somehow got caught up in thinking about my fairly boring life and all of a sudden i felt like a huge failure.

i am used to being the type of person where everything is planned out. i always knew what i wanted and i would work hard to get it. but something changed this summer.. i dont know what it is. i cant pinpoint it... but all of a sudden i find myself not wanting to really work for anything. i love school... but i dont know what i want to do anymore and find it dumb to waste money just taking random classes. i love duluth... but once again dumb to waste money to live up here and work at the same job i would work at while living at home for free. so now i am moving back home... i am officially a college drop out (just for now though... i will be going back at somepoint... i hope...)

all motivation is gone. maybe i should blame it on dumb luck. or maybe i am being punished for trying so hard to plan everything out in the past, even though things never went exactly as planned. so now i am stuck to try the whole 'live in the moment' thing... which i cant do because i am spending each moment planning the next moment at the very least.

Trish.... this one's for you

Alrighty... well... I decided to start figuring this all out little by little. So far i cant even figure out how to get a picture up of me.. haha but that will come in time i suppose.

I don't know who will really read this.. other than my blog stalker buddy Trish. (haha you know its true ptrish) But i guess who reads it isn't really the point.. its just kind of a way to let it all out. Maybe i will even find that people do begin to read it and hopefully receive some advice.. maybe a few life lessons. ha.

Well.. if anyone could give me advice on getting a picture up that would be a good start... haha.