it's a srtange feeling looking back at what you used to want and see what of that you have really gotten and what slipped through yours hands.
i was at work today... and it was so dead that i really had nothing to do but stand there lookin pretty ;) and think about stuff. and normally i find myself thinking about tyler or family or small things that i want to do later in the day or week... but this time i somehow got caught up in thinking about my fairly boring life and all of a sudden i felt like a huge failure.
i am used to being the type of person where everything is planned out. i always knew what i wanted and i would work hard to get it. but something changed this summer.. i dont know what it is. i cant pinpoint it... but all of a sudden i find myself not wanting to really work for anything. i love school... but i dont know what i want to do anymore and find it dumb to waste money just taking random classes. i love duluth... but once again dumb to waste money to live up here and work at the same job i would work at while living at home for free. so now i am moving back home... i am officially a college drop out (just for now though... i will be going back at somepoint... i hope...)
all motivation is gone. maybe i should blame it on dumb luck. or maybe i am being punished for trying so hard to plan everything out in the past, even though things never went exactly as planned. so now i am stuck to try the whole 'live in the moment' thing... which i cant do because i am spending each moment planning the next moment at the very least.
1 comment:
It is so ballsy to make such a big decision that you made for yourself. We all think we know what we want at this point in our lives, but we don't. Many people I have talked to have been thinking about taking a year off of college to figure everything out. It is so normal and you'll do great!
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